© Chris Willoughby 2008
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My Unique Reasons |
My Unique Reasons
Why Now?
What is it that has made you check out this site now? Is it a feeling you have or is something happening around you? Increasing feelings of anxiety often accompany men who are getting deeper into the world of child sexual abuse – this can arise from:
· the conflict of knowing that it’s wrong vs. feelings of excitement, power and relief
· finding images that are too disturbing (crossing a line)
· imagining real children around you in situations you’ve seen on the net
· worrying that you’ll get caught at any minute
· a feeling that ‘this isn’t who I am’, that you’re lost in this new world.
Or is something happening around you that has made you want to stop? Common experiences include:
· you have been found out by someone close to you, who is giving you a chance to quit
· you’ve taken risks with letting your children see what you’ve been looking at
· you’ve encouraged a child to do something sexual in a chatroom or virtual world
· you’ve given your personal details to a child over the net
· you’ve thought about making contact with other adults with an interest in child-sex
Quite often, feelings of panic will set in when something happens around you, for instance when the computer breaks down and needs repair. It’s important to note that each of the experiences above should trigger your ‘Emergency Stop’ plan.
TOP TIP: Make a list of why it is you want to stop now. Why not before, and why not later? Is anyone else involved in your decision? How would making a break with your use of child-porn be a positive experience (and how will it change your current life)?
TOP TIP: Make a list of why it is you want to stop now. Why not before, and why not later? Is anyone else involved in your decision? How would making a break with your use of child-
Who For?
Freedom from child-porn can bring many benefits, such as greater confidence, reduced stress and anxiety, and an improved self-respect. These are benefits to you, but you will also benefit others by quitting. Compulsive online sexual stimulation can be a cause, or a symptom of, problems in your sexual relationship with your partner(s), or it can prevent you enjoying quality time with your family, friends and colleagues - are you up half the night secretly downloading child-porn and then feeling disconnected from the world around you during the day? If you are going to stop because of the benefits to you, also consider how you will be improving the lives of the people you care about.
On the other hand, it’s likely that the majority of men in treatment today are doing it under the influence of others rather than for themselves. This is because most treatment for internet-based child-sexual activity is offered through prisons and the probation service for men who have been convicted of actions the same or similar to yours. If you want to make sure you are doing this for you, and not as a reaction to legal consequences, quit now.
There’s one other question – ‘who am I protecting?’. It might be yourself, which is a good reason to stop, but it might be that you have to stop now because children around you, maybe your own children, are falling into your secret world, even if just in your imagination and fantasies. The definite pros you experience when downloading or seducing children online have to be weighed against the risk of hurt to these children. Similarly, it’s important to consider how your wife, husband, partner(s) would feel, and the feelings of your parents, family and close friends.
TOP TIP: Who is worth giving up the child-porn for? Is it you, your partner(s) or your children? What is about yourself or other people that will benefit when you change your life? Be positive and give yourself plenty of encouragement to be positive about you and the people around you that might give you the reason to quit.
TOP TIP: Who is worth giving up the child-