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Positive Motivations: using your strengths |
Positive motivations – using your strengths
Probably the majority of men who want to break free from their use of child-porn will think first about the negative reasons to stop (fear of going to prison, the damage to their reputation, breakdown of family relationships etc), but it’s vital that you have something positive to work towards. This is because working towards a positive goal is easier than working away from a negative goal – look carefully at the marketing for successful support groups such as Weightwatchers and you’ll notice that it is positive goal oriented (‘I will be my ideal weight/can eat healthily’ rather than ‘I must not be overweight/can’t eat enjoyable food’ etc). It’s no different for you in this objective.
Below are some concepts to help you consider your positive motivations – allow yourself to be hopeful and unleash your creativity and your skills – nothing is silly here!...
My Strongest Hopes
Imagine achieving everything you want to do when quitting child-sex behaviour – what are your strongest hopes? What would your family life be like? How would your social life improve? In what ways would your sex-life be better and more fulfilled? How would your relationship with the internet change?
TOP TIP: Keep a journal and write these hopes down – these are your goals. Next, for each goal, make a list of steps that you’ll need to take to achieve these goals. Think about how you’ll enjoy taking each step – how will you feel after each achievement?
My Strengths
We’re all good at something! We’re all better at some things than others and we tend to build our lives around what we like to do and what we’re successful at, for instance…
· A carpenter needs to have good mind and body co-ordination, to be creative, and to know how to go through steps to build something of value at the end.
· A manager needs to know how to pull all his resources together in the most effective way to achieve maximum productivity, and to be aware in changes in needs and resources as they arise.
· A priest needs to have faith in something, and to communicate that to others so that he and those around him benefit from a shared experience that may be beyond words.
· A labourer makes the most of his strength and has the stamina to carry on when the conditions get tough.
Every one of these strengths or skills can be put to use when making a break with compulsive child-porn use – the more you’re aware of your strengths, the easier it will be to create a ‘stop programme’ that’s tailored to your needs.
TOP TIP: Write down all your skills, strengths and things you’re good at on a piece of paper. Then put this list in order of what you’re best at. Take the top three of four strengths and use those as the basis for your own programme.
© Chris Willoughby 2008-
