Grieving Part 1, Part 2 here
All behaviour serves a purpose, even if it’s not really clear why. If, for instance, you find yourself searching for child porn on the net every time you feel stressed, and the stimulation of the images lifts your mood, then giving up child porn risks more stressful feelings. Sometimes letting go of something feels a bit like a death and you start to grieve – this is the human reaction to loss.
Planned and unplanned loss
The intensity of feelings of loss can depend for many people on whether the loss was expected or planned, or whether it was unexpected. Examples of planned and unexpected losses are:
Planned or anticipated loss
· Death following a long-term illness
· Death in old-age
· Retirement
· Voluntary redundancy
· Leaving school
Unplanned or unexpected loss
· Death following an accident
· Death of a child
· Redundancy or being sacked
· Leaving your family home after conviction and imprisonment
Obviously there are exceptions to the above, but often it is easier to prepare and adapt to an anticipated loss than an unanticipated one.
Some losses might be unexpected, for instance the ‘mid-life crisis’ that many men experience can be a reaction to a loss of youth and sexual potency. Younger men are usually greater risk-takers in many aspects of life, including sexuality – an awareness of the loss of this might lead to an attempt to recapture a past experience of sexual excitement and influence the use of more extreme pornography.
TOP TIP: Consider your own experiences of loss – have these experiences changed the way you perceive life, your responsibilities and the risks you take? Do you feel your losses are resolved and you are at peace with them? If not, think about the support you might want – grief counselling for instance. Google support agencies in your area and be aware of how you might be able to get help.
TOP TIP: What have you got to lose if you’re convicted for using child-porn and sent to prison? How will you deal with these losses? Consider how you normally deal with loss emotionally, physically and the way you think – will prison restrict how you normally deal with loss?
All behaviour serves a purpose, even if it’s not really clear why. If, for instance, you find yourself searching for child porn on the net every time you feel stressed, and the stimulation of the images lifts your mood, then giving up child porn risks more stressful feelings. Sometimes letting go of something feels a bit like a death and you start to grieve – this is the human reaction to loss.
Planned and unplanned loss
The intensity of feelings of loss can depend for many people on whether the loss was expected or planned, or whether it was unexpected. Examples of planned and unexpected losses are:
Planned or anticipated loss
· Death following a long-
· Voluntary redundancy
· Leaving school
Unplanned or unexpected loss
· Death following an accident
· Death of a child
· Redundancy or being sacked
· Leaving your family home after conviction and imprisonment
Obviously there are exceptions to the above, but often it is easier to prepare and adapt to an anticipated loss than an unanticipated one.
Some losses might be unexpected, for instance the ‘mid-
TOP TIP: Consider your own experiences of loss – have these experiences changed the way you perceive life, your responsibilities and the risks you take? Do you feel your losses are resolved and you are at peace with them? If not, think about the support you might want – grief counselling for instance. Google support agencies in your area and be aware of how you might be able to get help.
TOP TIP: What have you got to lose if you’re convicted for using child-
© Chris Willoughby 2008-
