Goals and Rewards Part 1, Part 2 here
Set SMARTER goals
You already have a goal – to quit child-porn – and it might be useful to incorporate techniques from those who live much of their life by achieving goals – business people. A commonly used guide for successful goal keeping that has stood the test of time has been the use of SMART goals (Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic and Timely). Giving up child-sex activity can be complicated by the situations you find yourself in and your relationship to the people around you and to the child-porn (this is especially likely if you lead a double-life and keep your child-sex interests secret). This means you should consider Environment and Relationships in your management of goals, hence SMARTER:
Set SMARTER goals
You already have a goal – to quit child-
What this means
Examples when quitting child-porn
S
Specific
Each goal should be exact – who, what, when, where and how.
‘Not to go on the computer when my family have gone to bed’ or ‘talk to my wife/partner(s) about my porn use’
M
Measurable
Know your criteria for success.
‘A day without child-porn use’ or ‘deleting all records of your passwords for child-porn networks’
A
Attainable
Understand your skills and capabilities.
It’s more motivating so set small goals that build up to bigger ones. Work within your limits but keep pushing your boundaries, eg ‘walk away from the computer when you start to feel aroused’ rather than ‘don’t have child-sex thoughts anymore’.
R
Realistic
Be motivated and work within what’s in your control.
Focus on yourself, other people are not under your control, so ‘not receiving internet messages asking to trade child-porn’ isn’t realistic, but ‘changing email/IM addresses and deleting old accounts’ is.
T
Timely
Always work towards a deadline.
‘I’m not going to access child-porn today’ or ‘by the end of this month I will replace my hard-drive and start afresh’.
E
Environmental
Have special goals for specific circumstances.
‘Use your Emergency Stop plan if you’re close to grooming or having sexual contact with a child’ or ‘make a positive note in my diary if I beat a craving to download hentai’.
R
Relational
Allow others to help you meet your goals (especially if your child-porn use is/has been a secret).
‘I will make an appointment to see a specialist counsellor about my interest in child-sex’, ‘I will go to a support group when I’m feeling out of control’ or ‘I must inform the police that I have had sex with my daughter’
TOP TIP: Make a list of your SMARTER goals, giving examples of each element. Sort the goals in time order, ie goals for today, this week, the next month etc. It is useful to have specific written goals set aside for when you’re feeling vulnerable and not thinking straight so that you can just follow a safe plan you have made in advance – these plans may have short deadlines like ‘leave the house now’ or ‘phone a friend just to get through the next hour’.
The following Youtube clip is a down-to-earth account of how to set goals and remain focused on them. It’s not related to quitting child-porn, nor does it follow the SMART(ER) structure, but it is sensible advice based on experience...
© Chris Willoughby 2008-
